May 01, 2012

The Trials of Getting a Job

So you want to get a job? Good for you. Here:

 That's for you. Proud of you! :)

...

Now, onto serious business. You want to get a job? Well tough shit. Getting a job is hard. Getting a job  s u c k s. Getting a job is nigh impossible. 

"Oh N, why are you so pessimistic?" You may ask, out of desperation, probably because you really want a job.

Listen boys and girls. I've been out of college for a whole year and then some. I've had one job, and it was an internship overseas. I got paid in beans and rocks. And then five months ago, I came back here to the good ol' land of purple mountains majesty, exchanged the piddly remains of my beans and rocks for leaves and drool, and have been unemployed ever since.

"But did you look for jobs?" You exhort. Yes, yes I did. 

"But did you apply to jobs?" You beseech. Yes, most certainly I did. 

"But is your resume good?" You besmirch. Verily, it is. And you don't have to be so rude.

"But---" Yes. 

"And did you---" Yes. 

"And how about---" Of course. 

"BUT! I bet you didn't---" Oh, but I did. 

"Hmm... I know! You probably didn't---" Nope, I definitely did that too. On careerbuilder.com and everything. 

"Well damn." I KNOW!!!

At this point, I feel like this: 


I've had so many calls, so few interviews, and no second interviews (or job), that I feel trapped. Trapped, specifically because a lot of the jobs I want, I can't get. 

It's either, you must be 25 or older (I'm 22) or you must have 5+ years experience doing ________ (I have little to no experience doing most ______'s). 

So then you dig into entry level positions. And what are those like? Well...


And I don't really want to do something like that. I know that beggars can't be choosers, but seriously, look at this gem I found today:

"[Car Dealership] is looking for an ambitious, detail oriented multi-tasker to join our team as a part time cashier/receptionist... In this position you will process all payment transactions for customers in our busy dealership." 

Hey, Car Dealership, guess what? I've done something extremely similar to that before. It looked like this:


So anyway. How the hell do you get 5+ years experience before you're 25 in order to get one of the cool jobs out there? That's not rhetorical. Please tell me. 

Also, I have to share that I went to a group interview today, and was the youngest person there by 10 years, which was unnerving. Out of the four of us, there was one guy who was easily in his 50s, and of course he outshone us all. I wanted to tell him "Dude. Some of us actually need a job, so, uh, can you please go back to that place where you said you've been working at for 25 years?" Between him and this one girl, Stutterella, who was erupting sunshine from every orifice, I stood no chance.

I'm sorry. I thought I went to college and paid good money for a piece of paper that had at least some return on its value, but... well... I guess reality hits you hard, bro

Anyway. Back to the internet for me. And you. Or not. I think you should go make a sandwich.

Happy sandwiches. 

Marshall knows.

8 comments:

  1. How I Met Your Mother ftw!

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    1. Yes! You, Anonymous, are a cool person.

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  2. Hahahah omg reality hits you hard bro. I'm dying.

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    1. It sure does hahaha. Glad you like.

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  3. I feel your job search pain. I have recently tried to apply at two fast food restaurants which supposedly are hiring and have applications online, but neither one of them has an application for the location that claims they are hiring and told me to apply online. Also, I ate at this one restaurant that was hiring and enquired about the position. The guy told me to bring in my resume on Monday. So I did and then the guy who he already hired told me in very poor English that the guy already hired someone else. It's just ridiculous.

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    1. The employment world is just a mess right now. It's impossible to find a job, and even more impossible to find a job that doesn't treat you like crap. Sometimes I wish we lived in the 1500s.

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  4. Oh and also, as a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother, that picture is even funnier, because I know that when they were having a flashback, they used eating sandwiches as a code for smoking pot.

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